Learning how to just be (part 1)

February 16, 2013 by Meg | 17 Comments

Hi friends Hope your Valentine’s day was splendid and full of love – whether it be from a significant other, friends, fam or a pet. I was lucky enough to spend my Valentine’s day with my Dad – we had a grocery store and coffee date complete with vanilla latte’s - and Joel. Joel and I made dinner (seen below, baked flounder with sautéed peppers, onions and avocado!) and met a few other couples to go bowling; bowling is something I need to do more…I really like to throw heavy things and it’s not socially acceptable (or legal?) to do that with weights at the gym. I already crushed my cell phone a few months ago with a dumbbell, I’m not due for another materialistic crushing for at least another few months. Anywho, we all had a fantastic night and I am so blessed to be able to spend my days with such loving people, not just on Valentine’s day, but every day.

I have a really good life.

In my last post I had mentioned letting go of a lot of insecurities that have really held me back in the past and just being a human being. More than ever I want to share that experience and how I got to the point where I am today – at peace. It might take a few posts, hope that’s ok.

Growing up, I was always doing everything right – getting good grades, sucking up to teachers – mostly my second grade teacher, because she intimidated the hell out of me and everyone else, a classmate actually peed himself one day because he was afraid to ask to use the bathroom – and just being little miss sunshine all the time, the only thing that I never held back from was burping and farting, it was comical in my family and it still is. I spent many summers on wonderful vacations, trips to amusement parks, many winters snuggled up by the fire with my family and I wasn’t really ever afraid of anything because I was always comfortable. I had an awesome childhood and I spent a lot of time with good people and had many, many laughs.

I started figure skating at a very young age and never really had to worry about what I ate. I mean duh, no child of my demeanor and age worried about how many white chocolate Reese’s cups they could shovel in their face at 2 second intervals. Those things rocked, by the way. At the end of high school, I had to stop figure skating in preparation to go to college, it was the hardest thing to let go of. I knew my life was changing and I was okay with it at the moment – my life’s always been so perfect, so what could change? I hung up my skates and probably put on a good 15-20 pounds going into my first year and a half of college. Sure, I was a little uncomfortable, but guys still found me attractive, I was having a blast in school.

The problems started coming to the surface whenever I’d go shopping, get naked in front of a mirror and get dressed (I would go through about 10+ outfits each morning.) By the time I was ready to leave after dressing myself, my floor was covered in pants, shoes and shirts that I had deemed unflattering on me. This became a daily thing, as did picking and prodding at myself in the mirror. I hated what I saw – why wasn’t I happy with myself anymore? It was a vicious cycle of self-hate and it became really hard for me to take any sort of compliment – something I definitely still work on today, too. I had to do something about this. In the same time frame, my Mom had suffered a serious stroke and in that moment I felt like my life was just spinning out of control – I had to grasp it and take control back somehow.

I’ll continue this in my next post – collect your eyeballs.

Can any of you relate so far?

Talk to you soon!

Peace and love!

Meg

p.s. after this series I have a LOT of recipes and workout recaps that I need to share too