Hello friends! I’m back from Florida and I can’t say I’m thrilled with the weather I’ve come home to. I wouldn’t mind the cold and clouds if it were snowing – but this weather is just hideous and makes me want to do exactly what I’m doing tonight (hint: it involves my ass and a couch.)

Getting back into the swing of things has been a giant wake up call. Literally, a wake up call at 6am for the past few days. I want to vom all over reality. I know I have a lot of good things here at home, though, so I’ll quit my bitching. Jenny and I had such a blast in Florida! I’ll let the pictures do (most) of the talking….

Exercising outside > exercising inside.

So much coffee. So much.

We went out in New Smyrna – a little beach town. We had a hotel for the night there so we could enjoy drinks (and lots of dancing!) Sometimes I think when the Cupid Shuffle comes on at a bar, my blood alcohol level raises. I mean, my dance moves certainly do.

Squatting before going out, normal.

We cooked a TON! Between the two of us we had to have gone through at least 3 dozen+ eggs. I’m honestly surprised my skin tone isn’t of the Snooki variety after all dem sweet taters too. We had steaks and fish as well – it’s so nice to have time to leisurely cook and enjoy a meal; definitely one of life’s simple pleasures.

My favorite thing to do lately is sautee red peppers, onions and avocado. With a little bit of garlic, thyme and hot chili – so good! Try it

We ran almost everyday outside – this was one of the beautiful trails around lakes. I love running – funny because I used to absolutely despise it. I still love lifting weights a hell of a lot of more, but something about going for a run (especially outside) really puts my mind at ease and allows me to focus on my thoughts and my body. It’s allowed me to really appreciate what I’m capable of on top of lifting too.

I want to go back ASAP. It’s always kind of a bummer to come back home after a sweet vacation, but like I said before, it’s nice to be reconnected to the one’s I was away from – my boyfriend, my family and friends; it’s always nice to know that my best friend came back home with me too. I have a lot to thank God for, as well as a lot to pray about and people to pray for – that’s my main focus this week and I can’t let that slip away. God reminded me this morning with an emotionally draining event that I need to really leave everything in HIS hands and not my own. I will never find as much peace as I do when I just put my trust in my faith.

So, this post is all over the place, so let’s continue that theme and discuss what I had started to discuss a few posts ago. If you need to catch up – read the end of this post. If you don’t, this isn’t really going to make much sense

Feeling so completely out of my element and out of control, I had to change something and really get a grasp. I started reading magazines about dieting, losing weight and all kinds of information to potentially make myself more appealing in the mirror…and believe me, there’s no shortage of that kind of information – whether bs or not – in magazines. Magazine covers are PLASTERED with “lose 10lbs this week!” or “flat abs NOW” – well shoot, I want me some flat abs. $4.99 an issue?! For flat abs and 10lbs down the drain? Sign me up! I drastically cut my food consumption and began going to the gym at my college apartment complex multiple times a day. It was absurd and looking back on it now, I don’t really know how I didn’t just fly off of the treadmill out of sheer exhaustion. But I’ll be damned if I was gonna let myself slip up and hinder the advice I’d be reading and engulfing myself in. I still did really awesome in school, by the way. Somehow, someway, my brain didn’t suffer too much damage – maybe all that reading kept me on top of things.

In the process, I felt terrible. There’s moments that are just a complete blur. In my quest for perfection (which I know now is totally unattainable and I’m totally okay with that) I had lost a little under 50 – yes 50 – pounds in a little over 3 months. I was finally thinner and I could finally fit into those shirts, pants and outfits that  I had once shunned and picked at myself in. I fit in them so well that they actually fell off. Was I happy with what I saw in the mirror now? Was I in control of anything anymore than I had been before? Nope. In fact, I was in an even more out-of-control place…I know, shocking, right?! My hair was falling out, I had to wear belts with all of my pants (which were more like sleeping bags) and I freakin’ hate belts. Belts make me feel like I’m on a leash. I do not play well on leashes. I was just plain nasty, extremely unhealthy and my gas could kill a small country – fun side effect of starvation. I’ll never forget the look in my Dad’s eyes when he’d seen me for the first time at such a low place, that alone made me realize how screwed up I was and that I needed to re-evaluate my life, my blessings, and what I was doing to not just myself, but the people who love me. Looking back I still can’t believe what I did to myself – but I know now that it was all for a purpose.

More on that in my next post – how and why I found peace …

Please feel free to email me if anyone wants to talk – I’m an open book and I can tell you that it’s completely possible to pull yourself out of a deep, dark ugly hole that you may have dug. It might be a dirty process, but it’s worth it.

Peace and love!

Meg

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